It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize