Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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