I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
