Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
