Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
