and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have demons in me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
