the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
