i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
