i just wanna soil my oats bro
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
