omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
