ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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