Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are all done wearing pants today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need to align my fucking chakras
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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