i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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