I accidentally burped into my bong.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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