i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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