and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just google imaged poop.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
