He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
