I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
