Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
