On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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