i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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