i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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