Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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