Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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