So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
