haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
