what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
