Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
