So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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