i don't plan on having that self control this summer
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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