am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
