Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
