Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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