Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
