what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
