I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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