i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize