God, you're like boner-b-gone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
