My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
