cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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