There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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