I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
