okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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