If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
