I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
