Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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