i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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