I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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