After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
