Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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