i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
