You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
