i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
