i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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