I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
