How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
