O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was CRYING into my vagina
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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