Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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