I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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