champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
