i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
