I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
