he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
