umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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