If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
