He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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