Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
