I just threw up on my dentist
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
