I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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