Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
