Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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