I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have demons in me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
