Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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