Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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