Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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